Goodbye Fried Chicken, Collard Greens, and Red Man
I grew up in Jacksonville, Florida. I lived next door to my grandparents, my Mom’s parents. We lived on land that covered quite a few acres, which housed my family, my grandparents, my great grandparents, and 3 Great Uncles and their families, that’s six houses total. Every Sunday we would meet at my Granny and Paw Paw’s with my Aunts, Uncles and cousins. The ones that lived around me didn’t come to these sacred dinners, these Sunday meals were saved for my Granny’s 5 kids and her many grandchildren, she has 14, and now 21 great grandchildren with one on the way, and thanks to my son, one great -great grand daughter. The cousins and I would run around like crazy people, playing hide and go seek, the older ones keeping and eye on the younger ones, getting into mischief if it were possible, which it always was. I liked to dress up the girls, tease their hair and put way too much makeup on them. We'd play around the edge of the house and dig out the ant lions, we would be filthy by days end, full and fat bellied.
Granny ran this Sunday show. She had a no nonsense manner and you never back talked her. She was well respected by her family and us "youngins" were diligent to stay on her “good” side. If you were on her good side you might get to go back to her room for a piece of her Wrigley’s chewing gum she kept in the night stand by her bed. Her whole room smelled like Wrigley’s. I lived next door so I got special treatment. Often I would go visit on my own and enjoy her famous criss-crossed peanut butter cookies. If she was tired I would sit quietly by her bed while she did crossword puzzles, enjoying some chewing gum. She was so good at these crossword puzzles, her mind was sharp. Every once in awhile she would ask me what word I thought would go best for 5 down or another. She rode with us to church on Sunday's. She was the elementary-aged kids Sunday School teacher. She rode next to me in the back seat with her flannel board, pocket book and kleenex in hand, smelling like Wrigley's.
Granny was good with her hands, she made dresses for us girls, needlepoint table runners for her daughters, and crocheted blankets for all the babies. Every Sunday, there would be quite a spread on the table of fried chicken, some new casserole she concocted, collard greens and green beans out of Paw Paw’s garden, cast iron skillet corn bread and homemade Lemon Merinque. She was the cafeteria lady at my elementary school and I swear there has never been a better school lunch since she wore the hair net. I have since come to realize, that was how she showed love, handmade gifts, quiet crossword puzzle moments and good country cooking.
My Paw Paw was kind of a background guy, a carpenter by trade. Sweet and loving to all of his kids and grandkids. He didn’t say much unless he was teasing us. He loved to tease me especially, being an avid animal lover of all creatures, concerning the “squirrel” stew we were eating. I loved it though, my family would always say, Oh he teases you because he loves you. They were right. Granny always told him he was a silly old man, so he kept his conversations light. His favortie topics included football, pro wrestling and boxing. Sometimes I could get him to talk about the war. He was in the Navy and aboard a sinking ship twice. He isn't a fan of water. During our Sunday get togethers it was either football blaring or pro-wrestling. Usually Pro- Wrestling. Which was great, because after all that running around it is surprisingly easy to fall asleep to, even at high decibles. Paw Paw was going deaf, now he is completely deaf and has choosen to leave his hearing aid off these last 15 or so years.
I have the fondest memories of riding with him to Pic n Save to get his Red Man. I would say, “PawPaw, why don’t you try a new flavor?” He’d laugh at me and tell me original was for men, flavored chew was for boys. Sometimes I would go with him to the Hardware store, everybody would know him by name. He new exactly where everything was and didn’t mind telling me about it, because he knew I really was interested. Not because I planned to build anything but because he would. He made me the most gorgeous blue two story doll house for my birthday. Oh, how I still love the smell of sawdust.
As we grew up, the Sunday dinners became fewer and farther between. Granny and PawPaw moved out to the country and shared land with my Aunt and Uncle. We would make it out there about once a month, it was so fun to ride the horses and pet the goats. PawPaw and my Uncle named the cows after his daughters, not to be mean, he was just a teaser. My two oldest kids enjoyed time at Granny and PawPaw’s farm, but after our third child we didn’t make the trip anymore. Everyone would gather at my Mama’s or my Uncle’s for Thanksgiving and Christmas. About 8 years ago they decided the farm was too much and moved back to the very property I grew up on. Bought a piece of land next to my Great Uncle and PawPaw lives there still.
My Granny has since lost her mind to Alzheimers. She lives in a lock down facility for patients who tend to wander. No handing out Wrigley’s gum now, no crossword puzzles, she doesn’t recognize any of us. We are all on the same page, as visitors. She has even forgotten foods she hates and foods she loves. Before she stopped communicating she would often panic because she couldn’t find her kids. She was terrified something had happened to them on their way home from school. My Mama is usually there to comfort her and tell her it’s ok, that everybody went to the movies and they will all be home soon or something like that. It calmed her and she soon forgot she ever asked.
Paw Paw misses Granny and feels guilty for everything he didn’t do right. He quit drinking decades ago, quit smoking and chewing Red Man. Funny, I never thought of him as anything but perfect, just the way he was, suspenders, Red Man, unlaced shoes, stubborn, all of his oddities made him my PawPaw, I adored, ADORE him for it.
There’s a lot I don’t know, and call me unrealistic, but I prefer it that way. I love my Granny and I love my Paw Paw. I loved them just the way they were and I get warm feelings when I think of those Sunday meals, Wrigley’s gum and pro-wrestling matches. I don't need background stories to give me a bigger picture, I have lovely memories and that's enough for me.
I don’t know how much longer they will live. Granny has kind of given up, and will soon go into hospice care. My Paw Paw is not in the greatest health but I am confident he will hang on as long as she does. He is heartbroken for everything he couldn't give her, he certainly wont leave her behind.
When they go, I know I will find them again in Heaven, Granny will be in the kitchen cooking with love, calling her grandchildren by name to come gather about her apron strings and give her a hand. Paw Paw will be sharing stories with confidence to family and neighbors alike. Shooting the breeze with no concern of time and space, duty and regret. Living life in complete relaxation, chewing a fresh pinch of original Red Man and finally understanding that he had always been fully pardoned.
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